Would I have done anything differently?

Dear Ella,

So lovely this morning as Jane from the hospice came for a "check up" and a chat.   Seeing her makes me feel very close to you, although of course it drags me right back to last October and November and all the trauma.  But that's good - I like to go "there" with the right person and run through it all.

Jane asked me today "what would I do differently, if I could have the last week, 24 hours with you all over again"?  Having thought about it carefully - not much, except of course I would not get cross with you the night before, like I did.  We were both so exhausted, scared and in your case ill, we almost didn't know what we were doing or saying.

"Mum, I don't like it when you are cross with me"

"Sorry, Ella, but it was silly doing............   But don't forget I love you.  Sleep tight, you know where I am if you need me".

I'm sorry I was cross with you, and so wish I could change that, but I can't - but I do remember  saying I love you - and I really do.

Lots of love

Mum
xx