Friday 29 November 2013

I like this

Dear Ella,

These words arrived in my in box this week - good huh?

Lots of love

Mum
xx




“Most of us are experts at solving other people’s problems, but we generally solve them in terms of our own and the advice we give is seldom for other people but for ourselves."
- Nan Fairbrother, The House in the Country

Sunday 24 November 2013

The world kept turning

Dear Ella,

Some what surprisingly the world continued to turn and life carried on - as we all quietly marked the anniversary of you leaving us.

Difficult for everyone to know what to do, hardly a time that anyone of us wanted to celebrate  - but it needed to be marked, navigated and coped with.

I disappeared to the mountains of North Wales - huge open spaces, soaring mountains, physical exertion, reassuring steady company and time to pause.

The A5 was strangely therapeutic as the miles clocked by - Ella music up loud - with some tracks on over and over again.  The countryside passing by, unfamiliar places and unknown people going about their daily lives and routines.

I climbed high, really high - but of course you weren't there - it got me closer to the sky and maybe closer to where you perhaps are busy getting on with what ever you are doing.

Home now - with aching muscles to add to my aching heart.

Signing off with my mantra that got me to the top of each mountain - courtesy of your heroes -  Greenday:

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.



Lots of love

Mum
xxx



Wednesday 20 November 2013

Vivid and chaotic

Dear Ella,

Vivid and chaotic memories of this time last year have been whirling through my head - snapshots of disbelief, what to do do, rain, getting the right people here, cups of tea, holding you, trying to understand what was best to do, watching "Pointless", organising, talking, trying to make it OK for others, watching you, sitting with you, lying with you, simply loving you and never ever wanting you to go.

My brave beautiful girl - I will love you for ever.

Mum
XXX

Friday 15 November 2013

What if we had known

Dear Ella,

So this time last year - you really weren't well - in fact so unwell you only had four days of living left.

Did you know, did I know - if we had known would we have done anything differently?  Maybe more hugs, more words - I don't know and never will.

But I know I was never far from your side and you were home.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Thursday 14 November 2013

Manchester

Dear Ella,

Spending a lot of time in Manchester these days, as you know it's a very happening city and one that would have suited you down to the ground.

Do you remember when we come up for your art foundation interview - it was all so exciting, although of course I was not supposed to be excited.  My job was to be the dutiful parent trailing around behind you.  After all it wasn't me that was trying to get a university place.

In usual Mum fashion, I asked too many questions and made sure we spoke to all the right people - including that lovely man who was head of the art foundation course.  I remember thinking - "he'll do, he can have my daughter on his course".  A man who was passionate about design, the course and studying art in any shape or format.

You would have thrived in this vibrant city, and I know that in the end you decided not to come here but head for Brighton.

But - Manchester has got your name all over it - I think you might have got here eventually.

Missing you loads

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Sunday 10 November 2013

Done it!

Dear Ella.

It's official we have raised £102,574.24 in your memory to get a new Teenage Cancer Unit up and running in Bristol to support the South West.

You have whipped up a storm my beautiful girl - we have all done it for you.

The donations continue to come in........what will we do next?

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

PS - you would be pleased with my improved Facebook skills - managed to post the message below.   Still one of my top achievements last year - becoming your friend on FB :)

Hi all - to confirm we have now raised £102,574.24 for Teenage Cancer Trust in memory of my beautiful Ella. We have all done this in just ten months - an outstanding achievement and a huge thank you to every single person who has contributed. However, the TCT need another .5 million to get the new South West unit open - if you can contribute anymore or know someone who can - please donate here. Thank you very much
http://www.justgiving.com/remember/47274/£102,574.24-Redman

Saturday 9 November 2013

Missed you

Dear Ella,

Have been away (again - but work this time), and have missed you loads.

It's strange - in some ways I feel like you are with me where ever I go - but I feel closest to you when I am home.

Your even closer at the end of each day when I switch of the light, climb under the duvet and close my eyes - I concentrate hard and remember everything I can about you - and then fall asleep.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

PS - Got my photo taken with Miles Jupp last night - Sophie is well impressed!

Wednesday 6 November 2013

It's raining

Dear Ella,

It's raining it's pouring and has been doing so on and off for a week.

The rain just sheets down- seemingly leaving no space between the sky and the ground.  Its noisy, but strangely comforting as it hits the velux windows at home.

It rained a lot around this time last year - and was especially hard the night of 20 November - you possibly didn't hear it, and were on already on your way to dance in the rain else where.

Its quite nice getting out the winter coats, boots and brollies - wearing PJ's, lighting fires, curling up on the sofa to watch winter TV and generally hunkering down from the elements and life.

It's all very reminiscent of this time last year.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Monday 4 November 2013

Party for you

Dear Ella,

Well my beautiful girl - we did it and had the party you wanted.  Am sure it wasn't quite as you would have planned, but the key elements were present in huge abundance - friends, (all ages), family, music, uncle moments, drinks (too many for some of us), silliness, love and fun.

We gathered - all 250 of us and as U Jim said - first and foremost we remembered and celebrated you, we raised lots of money and of course we spent time with friends and family.

So we have raised the £10,000 you set out to do - in fact we are fairly confident we have done it x 10 and reached £100,000.  Marion and co still totting up the final numbers.

We started in February - maybe March - so job done in 10 months.

We  missed you loads and loads

Lots of love

Mum
XXX





Friday 1 November 2013

Chilli for breakfast

Dear Ella,

Well the big weekend is nearly upon us.

Its started well - chilli for breakfast - one of my best yet I think - you would have loved it.

Proper, comforting Allington food.

Next highlight - Sophie arriving home for the weekend - shortly followed by many other wonderful friends and family.

The gather begins...

Lots of love

Mum
xxx