Monday 29 September 2014

All sorts of people doing all sorts of things

Dear Ella,

Monday evening and as they say "the nights are drawing in".  Was diligent on return from work early evening, donned trainers and kit and set off at a steady jog to enjoy the last hour of daylight.  Headed for Ashton Park School and your tree.  A peaceful and much needed rest and sit on your bench was very grounding - its looking great and apparently much enjoyed by students and teachers alike.

I left as the sun was going down and headed for home in my lollopy fashion - passing all sorts of people doing all sorts of things.  Men warming up for a basketball match, a woman determinedly cycling in a gym, a few teenagers hanging around with their skateboards, a man and his bike going way to fast under the underpass (nearly took me out), students dancing - could see their hands up high swaying to music, tired shoppers queueing in Aldi - wanting to get their groceries home, people walking, people sitting on their sofas watching TV's.   People just living and getting on with their lives in an ordinary kind of way - but all doing it in a slightly different way.  It was nice to watch them as I jogged on by.

Lots of love

Mum
XX


Monday 22 September 2014

Familiar

Dear Ella,

Strange evening - empty house, I remember this from last September when Sophie went away.  Am reclaiming my space, settling and adjusting - it feels familiar, I have done it before and quite like it.  

Caught up on a bit of TV - including Downton Abbey.  The second the theme music came on - I was back sitting next to you in your hospital bed in Oxford - watching endless Downton episodes in between doctors, nurses et al coming in.  We were engrossed from the first series, lost in another world that was a million miles from the one we were living in. Did the trick - got us through some long old days and evenings.   It felt very familiar watching it tonight.

Lots of love

Mum
XX

Wednesday 17 September 2014

You get what you give

Dear Ella,

Driving time today - Reading and back for work, exciting stuff - but it was a good day in so many ways, and one was hearing "you get what you give" by the New Radicals on the Radio.  What a track have not heard it for years - but love it, a bit cheesy I guess by your standards.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DL7-CKirWZE

I turned it up loud and pushed on down the M4  - reflecting on the words "you get what you give" - simple to say, hard to practise constantly - but worth hanging onto as a thread through the hours, days, weeks, months and years.

I know some really awesome people who live like this (but suspect they don't even know they are doing it), and guess what they are the ones who radiate an aura of contentment, quiet energy and are simply lovely people to be around - "go to" type people who bring out the best in me and turn up my positivity dial.

I want to be one of them when I grow up.

Lots of love

Mum
XXX




Sunday 14 September 2014

A song in my heart

Dear Ella,

I felt a song in my heart as I came downstairs for breakfast.

Found Sophie busy in the spare room "renovating and customising" a chest of drawers to take back to uni, its been a project. My she is so talented, and there was a further reminder of her talents as I passed the dining room table - her certificate of merit from Cardiff Uni (arrived Friday) - based on her sheer hard work and brilliance in year one.  "Bursting with pride".   Our girl is really becoming her own very unique and talented person.

Keep watching her - you are doing a great job

Lots of love

Mum
XX









Saturday 6 September 2014

Drumming, fire eating and ping pong

Dear Ella,

A walk home late last night across our patch "harbour-side" revealed Bristol just about at its best.

People out and about enjoying a warm evening in many different ways. A drumming busker with a full set of symbols, bass drums, tom tom's and snares - busking away, drumming up a crowd.  A fire eater attempting to lure people into a night club, four guys on the ping pong table outside the YHA - ping ponging away, laughing as they batted, missed and just went for it.

City living doesn't get much better.

You would have loved it.

Lots of love

Mum
XXX



Thursday 4 September 2014

Three Beautiful Things

Dear Ella,

Remember this game - still doing it, so today:

1.  Lovely long walk to work, down the chocolate path, a nod to your bridge, across the lock gates - looking at the deep, still water and up the hill….

2.  Mid afternoon sugar high - a new one on me, struggled all morning with a difficult piece of work, a wander and fresh air at lunch time some how found me in front of the pic'n'mix, cheap sweet frenzy at Wilkos,  had to be done, £1.98 later - I was "rushing" and so were my team - got us through a tricky presentation planning session.

3.  A lovely evening of sharing life long learning's with wise and wonderful ladies -  "survivors  and some" - menopausal marvels even….

What were yours (bet they weren't number three)?

Lots of love

Mum
XX

Monday 1 September 2014

Pip swung by

Dear Ella,

So - lovely Pip from Oxford came by Bristol last week - we met for a coffee and a wonderful catch up. We talked so much about you, and the time we spent in Oxford when she helped to look after you at the hospital.

We talked a lot about the time since you have not been here as well.   The words tumbled out and settled into some kind of order neither sad or happy - just good to have them all out on the table.

We hugged and smiled and went our ways - wrapped comfortably in our shared memories - which is weird - how it can be comfortable to remember you being so ill, being in hospital, hearing terrible news, being scared and cancer all around.

But, it was so weirdly comforting to have gone "mentally" back to Oxford and remembered you and our time there so vividly - awful times, but intense lovely ones as well.  Downton Abbey watching, cups of tea, waiting to go home, Dominoes Pizza, Visitors from near and far, making friends with nurses (and some Doctors), sitting with you while you slept, driving from you to Sophie and back again, tip toeing down to my little room to sleep for a while, taking you to the operating theatre, sitting with you for hours in the recovery room, and the final, final meeting, when you held my hand and gaze so tight and told me without any words that I would be OK.  It's all about me you know!

Thank you Pip for taking me back there

Lots of love

Mum
xxx