Wednesday, 26 June 2013
Threads
Dear Ella
And just like that - an e mail from Dr D at the Bristol Oncology hospital and a call from Pip in Oxford.
Threads back to all those endless days in hospital in both Oxford and Bristol.
Strangely comforting and reassuring - lovely to read and hear your name mentioned effortlessly.
This time last year you were just about signing off from chemo, starting to think about your trip to Wimbledon, a holiday in Cornwall, your big operation, a Green Day gig and just possibly a bright future. It was fun while the optimism lasted.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Sunday, 23 June 2013
Yes we did
Dear Ella,
Yes - we really did play cricket today - in your name! Unbelievable, I know - but we did it and smiled (and shivered).
It was strange being back on your turf - your beloved school - out in the stunning grounds where you spent so many long summer lunchtimes - doing anything rather than play cricket, although the photo below suggests otherwise.
It was a breezy day - the wind blowing all around us - as I have said before, I like to think it's you - making your presence and energy felt.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Yes - we really did play cricket today - in your name! Unbelievable, I know - but we did it and smiled (and shivered).
It was strange being back on your turf - your beloved school - out in the stunning grounds where you spent so many long summer lunchtimes - doing anything rather than play cricket, although the photo below suggests otherwise.
It was a breezy day - the wind blowing all around us - as I have said before, I like to think it's you - making your presence and energy felt.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Wednesday, 19 June 2013
Ella's Mum
Dear Ella,
That's me of course. I remember saying to someone in my first grief stricken days that I wanted to be "Ella's Mum" forever, and the wise person I said it to replied "you will be".
And here is the proof in your very own handwriting, the envelope of a gift you gave me for Christmas in 2011 - a voucher for the Thermae Bath Spa.
I finally made time to use it last Friday - thank you my lovely for such a treat, it was blissful to float around in the warm waters, rest my aching body (and heart) and just be.
Lots of love
Mum
XX
That's me of course. I remember saying to someone in my first grief stricken days that I wanted to be "Ella's Mum" forever, and the wise person I said it to replied "you will be".
I finally made time to use it last Friday - thank you my lovely for such a treat, it was blissful to float around in the warm waters, rest my aching body (and heart) and just be.
Lots of love
Mum
XX
Sunday, 16 June 2013
A load of old balls
Dear Ella,
Cricket balls that is. Well the big cricket for Ella event is nearly here, I know you must be very bemused by the whole proceedings, but hey - more cash for the TCT unit.
We had the final meeting to arrange it all tonight - lots of laughter and joshing around amongst those actually playing - something about boxes, whites and umpires.......no idea what so ever - but what I do know is, that it will be another opportunity for everyone to gather, smile and remember you
Lots of love
Mum
xx
This was the post on Facebook this evening
Cricket for Ella:
Hi everyone please forward this onto anyone who might be interested in coming along! The cricket match will be held at Ashton Park School on Sunday 23 June starting at 12.30. The teams are sorted (a motley collection of family, friends and teachers). What we need now are lots of spectators to come and watch, cheer and raise yet more money for Ella's fund towards the new TCT unit in Bristol. A call for cakes - just like the 10K we will be selling tea and cakes - so please bake some cakes to bring on the day. There will be a Pims tent, face painting for the children (adults as well) and lots of space to just sit and watch and enjoy the fun - and of course we will be doing this in a place that meant a huge amount to Ella - her school Ashton Park. See you there x x x
Cricket balls that is. Well the big cricket for Ella event is nearly here, I know you must be very bemused by the whole proceedings, but hey - more cash for the TCT unit.
We had the final meeting to arrange it all tonight - lots of laughter and joshing around amongst those actually playing - something about boxes, whites and umpires.......no idea what so ever - but what I do know is, that it will be another opportunity for everyone to gather, smile and remember you
Lots of love
Mum
xx
This was the post on Facebook this evening
Cricket for Ella:
Hi everyone please forward this onto anyone who might be interested in coming along! The cricket match will be held at Ashton Park School on Sunday 23 June starting at 12.30. The teams are sorted (a motley collection of family, friends and teachers). What we need now are lots of spectators to come and watch, cheer and raise yet more money for Ella's fund towards the new TCT unit in Bristol. A call for cakes - just like the 10K we will be selling tea and cakes - so please bake some cakes to bring on the day. There will be a Pims tent, face painting for the children (adults as well) and lots of space to just sit and watch and enjoy the fun - and of course we will be doing this in a place that meant a huge amount to Ella - her school Ashton Park. See you there x x x
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Sometimes
Dear Ella,
Sometimes I think you are very close - the breeze in the trees, the rustle of the leaves, your windmill suddenly spinning - I am sure its you just passing by, checking in.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Sometimes I think you are very close - the breeze in the trees, the rustle of the leaves, your windmill suddenly spinning - I am sure its you just passing by, checking in.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Your bridge
Dear Ella,
Terrible news - your favourite bridge is under threat of being turned from pedestrian/cyclists only into the route for the park and ride buses in and out of town! I never knew it was called Ashton Vale Bridge. When we lived in Clifton you, Annie, George and Sophie used to walk across it every day to school. You grew to love its structure - early signs of your interest in architecture. Some where there must be many photos that you took of "your bridge" over the years.
Anyway Mr Furguson and his mates at the city council see it as a way of reducing traffic congestion, I am sure if you were here - you would be campaigning against the plans - tell you what I'll do it for you!
Stop BRT2
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Terrible news - your favourite bridge is under threat of being turned from pedestrian/cyclists only into the route for the park and ride buses in and out of town! I never knew it was called Ashton Vale Bridge. When we lived in Clifton you, Annie, George and Sophie used to walk across it every day to school. You grew to love its structure - early signs of your interest in architecture. Some where there must be many photos that you took of "your bridge" over the years.
Anyway Mr Furguson and his mates at the city council see it as a way of reducing traffic congestion, I am sure if you were here - you would be campaigning against the plans - tell you what I'll do it for you!
Stop BRT2
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Sunday, 9 June 2013
Pain
Dear Ella,
A physically painful weekend - with a bout of sciatica for me - very painful "bottom" and all of left leg - impossible to sit down, lying near impossible - so lack of sleep. Lots of pacing around - all day and throughout the night - the only motion that does not hurt.
Pain - it took me back to August 2011 when you were in so much pain with your arm and shoulder as the cancer took hold. Those long nights of supporting you through intense pain, counting down the minutes and hours to when you could have your next dose of morphine. Endless cups of tea, rubbish TV in the small hours of the morning and endless, mindless ramblings to try and distract you.
As I paced through the last two nights and rummaged in your pain relief drawer (still got lots of your meds for emergencies - but did not reach morphine stage!) - I remembered how brave and stoic you were and was grateful that I had been there to support you - as ever a privilege and would do it all again - tomorrow if I could.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
A physically painful weekend - with a bout of sciatica for me - very painful "bottom" and all of left leg - impossible to sit down, lying near impossible - so lack of sleep. Lots of pacing around - all day and throughout the night - the only motion that does not hurt.
Pain - it took me back to August 2011 when you were in so much pain with your arm and shoulder as the cancer took hold. Those long nights of supporting you through intense pain, counting down the minutes and hours to when you could have your next dose of morphine. Endless cups of tea, rubbish TV in the small hours of the morning and endless, mindless ramblings to try and distract you.
As I paced through the last two nights and rummaged in your pain relief drawer (still got lots of your meds for emergencies - but did not reach morphine stage!) - I remembered how brave and stoic you were and was grateful that I had been there to support you - as ever a privilege and would do it all again - tomorrow if I could.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Wednesday, 5 June 2013
Caught me....
Dear Ella,
So - have made it back onto the "work circuit" in terms of being out and about at events in London and Bristol and so on.
Everybody, very lovely and welcoming and in the main its a distraction and keeps me busy...but then something happens and "wham" - its an Ella moment - like last night when the band played "Dancing Queen" - happy days on Greek holidays in the sunshine. Then I feel sick to the core and its a quick exit away from everyone and breathe.....but your still gone.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
So - have made it back onto the "work circuit" in terms of being out and about at events in London and Bristol and so on.
Everybody, very lovely and welcoming and in the main its a distraction and keeps me busy...but then something happens and "wham" - its an Ella moment - like last night when the band played "Dancing Queen" - happy days on Greek holidays in the sunshine. Then I feel sick to the core and its a quick exit away from everyone and breathe.....but your still gone.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Monday, 3 June 2013
At least I know
Dear Ella,
Horrible news last week, well at least a a reminder of a horrific happening last year. Do you remember that dear little girl April Jones who disappeared in Wales last October? Well last week they sentenced a man to life in prison for her murder.
However, to this date her body has not been found - and of course her family can barely begin to imagine what her final hours and minutes of life were like.
At the very least, I know exactly where you were and what happened - you were of course here with us at home in your room, looked after, loved and gently and peacefully let go. I am grateful for that and my heart goes out to April's family.
With lots of love
Mum
xx
Horrible news last week, well at least a a reminder of a horrific happening last year. Do you remember that dear little girl April Jones who disappeared in Wales last October? Well last week they sentenced a man to life in prison for her murder.
However, to this date her body has not been found - and of course her family can barely begin to imagine what her final hours and minutes of life were like.
At the very least, I know exactly where you were and what happened - you were of course here with us at home in your room, looked after, loved and gently and peacefully let go. I am grateful for that and my heart goes out to April's family.
With lots of love
Mum
xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)