Dear Ella,
Made it - out the other side of Christmas.
We gathered at Allington (just as you had planned and wanted Christmas last year) and just "were" as a group of friends and family. Grateful to be with people we love, to laugh, enjoy and take pleasure in time old Christmas traditions. How lucky are we?
I could feel your absence, as could we all in our various ways. It was good to sit quietly with you at the start of the day in your room gathering energy and resilience for the festivities ahead.
Familiar "in between" days and time now - useful to pause, reflect and mark the passing of one year and the start of the next. Today the skies were blue and the sun bright - optimism was in the air - circling and pointing the way - I am willing to follow that route.
Lots of love
Mum
XXX
Sunday, 29 December 2013
Tuesday, 24 December 2013
A busy day..
Dear Ella,
You know what I am like - the usual mad dash around getting everything ready for Christmas Day - gosh what a fuss for just one day, but of course its a special, lovely day.
As I write - just waiting for Sophie to finish in the shower, before we settle down and in time honoured tradition watch "Love Actually". I have lit your fire and the tree lights are twinkling. I can see all our special decorations we have gathered over the years - especially the one you had made for Sophie two years ago - with the three of us on it.
Funny moments today - Granddad nearly did a Dawn French when we came to visit you - stepped in a puddle, rather deep, good job he had his wellies on. In a frenzy of cleaning, I nearly hoovered up the donkey and baby jesus from the nativity set, and most bizarrely this afternoon, I was upto my armpits in blocked drain matter in the garden- with Lorraine and Steve helping but laughing as well. I might be "viral" on t'internet by now!
So Christmas number two without you kicking me into touch, Sophie struggling to muster the festive cheer, maybe Love Actually and foot rub will do the job. May even persuade her to have a Baileys later.
With all my love as ever at Christmas.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
You know what I am like - the usual mad dash around getting everything ready for Christmas Day - gosh what a fuss for just one day, but of course its a special, lovely day.
As I write - just waiting for Sophie to finish in the shower, before we settle down and in time honoured tradition watch "Love Actually". I have lit your fire and the tree lights are twinkling. I can see all our special decorations we have gathered over the years - especially the one you had made for Sophie two years ago - with the three of us on it.
Funny moments today - Granddad nearly did a Dawn French when we came to visit you - stepped in a puddle, rather deep, good job he had his wellies on. In a frenzy of cleaning, I nearly hoovered up the donkey and baby jesus from the nativity set, and most bizarrely this afternoon, I was upto my armpits in blocked drain matter in the garden- with Lorraine and Steve helping but laughing as well. I might be "viral" on t'internet by now!
So Christmas number two without you kicking me into touch, Sophie struggling to muster the festive cheer, maybe Love Actually and foot rub will do the job. May even persuade her to have a Baileys later.
With all my love as ever at Christmas.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
 |
| Xmas 2010 - your last one "well" |
Sunday, 22 December 2013
Your little cousins
Dear Ella
So a noisy, but lovely visit from your little cousins yesterday.
They sent me the photos below - your tree from Dad looks lovely
I will be out to see you Christmas Eve and may be Christmas Day as well.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
So a noisy, but lovely visit from your little cousins yesterday.
They sent me the photos below - your tree from Dad looks lovely
I will be out to see you Christmas Eve and may be Christmas Day as well.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
 |
| Visiting Granny |
Friday, 20 December 2013
Mum's
Dear Ella,
Someone shared this on FB today - Ricky Gervais talking about how he celebrates Christmas and remembering people that are no more and in his case, specifically his Mum.
Gosh, Granny loved Christmas - carols, cooking, the food, the family gatherings - just about all of it
Lots of love
Mum
XX
Gervais shared how he prefers to celebrate the Christmas period, and spoke fondly of past moments with his mother Eva, who passed away in 2000.
"[I'll be] eating and drinking too much with friends and family," he wrote. "Celebrating life and remembering those that did, but can no longer.
"They are not looking down on me but they live in my mind and heart more than they ever did probably. Some, I was lucky enough to bump into on this planet of six billion people. Others shared much of my genetic material. One selflessly did her best for me all my life."
He admitted that he shed some tears while speaking about his mother, and what she meant to him during the festive season.
"That's what mums do though," he said. "They do it for no other reason than love. Not for reward. Not for recognition. They create you. From nothing. Miracle? They do those every day. No big deal.
"They are not worshipped. They would give their life without the promise of heaven. They teach you everything they know yet they are not declared prophets. And you only have one.
"I am crying as I write this. It usually gets me this time of year. That's what's special about Christmas. It's when you visit or reminisce about the ones you love. And reflect on how lucky you are. How they helped shape you."
Someone shared this on FB today - Ricky Gervais talking about how he celebrates Christmas and remembering people that are no more and in his case, specifically his Mum.
Gosh, Granny loved Christmas - carols, cooking, the food, the family gatherings - just about all of it
Lots of love
Mum
XX
Gervais shared how he prefers to celebrate the Christmas period, and spoke fondly of past moments with his mother Eva, who passed away in 2000.
"[I'll be] eating and drinking too much with friends and family," he wrote. "Celebrating life and remembering those that did, but can no longer.
"They are not looking down on me but they live in my mind and heart more than they ever did probably. Some, I was lucky enough to bump into on this planet of six billion people. Others shared much of my genetic material. One selflessly did her best for me all my life."
He admitted that he shed some tears while speaking about his mother, and what she meant to him during the festive season.
"That's what mums do though," he said. "They do it for no other reason than love. Not for reward. Not for recognition. They create you. From nothing. Miracle? They do those every day. No big deal.
"They are not worshipped. They would give their life without the promise of heaven. They teach you everything they know yet they are not declared prophets. And you only have one.
"I am crying as I write this. It usually gets me this time of year. That's what's special about Christmas. It's when you visit or reminisce about the ones you love. And reflect on how lucky you are. How they helped shape you."
Mojitos and youth
Dear Ella,
So…better place tonight- out with my dream team of "kids". We drank Mojitios, laughed and danced (promise I wasn't to embarrassing!).
I thought about you so much - maybe because I was with the "kids" - more your age than mine, mojito tastes and of course just the plain old Christmas factor.
Oh my love, would be so wonderful if you were here, right now, right here.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
PS - loving the "kids" - thank you so much Liam, Hollie and Craig
So…better place tonight- out with my dream team of "kids". We drank Mojitios, laughed and danced (promise I wasn't to embarrassing!).
I thought about you so much - maybe because I was with the "kids" - more your age than mine, mojito tastes and of course just the plain old Christmas factor.
Oh my love, would be so wonderful if you were here, right now, right here.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
PS - loving the "kids" - thank you so much Liam, Hollie and Craig
Thursday, 19 December 2013
Weeping and Walking
Dear Ella
What a releif to write it down - am in London for a bit of a do, managed well for a while and then "what the **** kicked in", so left. Therappy of sorts = weeping and walking for miles across London.
Love you and Sophie so much - it hurts
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
What a releif to write it down - am in London for a bit of a do, managed well for a while and then "what the **** kicked in", so left. Therappy of sorts = weeping and walking for miles across London.
Love you and Sophie so much - it hurts
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Thursday, 12 December 2013
An Ella fest
Dear Ella,
Just had a lovely Ella fest with Annie - we have been chatting and reminiscing about you. It was lush.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Just had a lovely Ella fest with Annie - we have been chatting and reminiscing about you. It was lush.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Wednesday, 11 December 2013
Church
Dear Ella,
I went to church last night with Grandad. It was the St Peters Hospice carol service, a service to remember you and granny - and of course lots of other people as well.
It was in the cathedral - a beautiful building with stunning architecture - which you would have liked. It was nice to have the space and time to really think about you. I got the strangest feeling that you were over by the door calling me to come over…..you had very short hair and your American college jacket on. You were smiling, but impatient and wanted me to come quickly - I wonder what you wanted?
We went last year as well - so here we go - on to doing things for the second time without you - like Christmas.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
I went to church last night with Grandad. It was the St Peters Hospice carol service, a service to remember you and granny - and of course lots of other people as well.
It was in the cathedral - a beautiful building with stunning architecture - which you would have liked. It was nice to have the space and time to really think about you. I got the strangest feeling that you were over by the door calling me to come over…..you had very short hair and your American college jacket on. You were smiling, but impatient and wanted me to come quickly - I wonder what you wanted?
We went last year as well - so here we go - on to doing things for the second time without you - like Christmas.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Sunday, 8 December 2013
Long walk to freedom
Dear Ella,
It seems only right to note the passing of the extraordinary man Nelson Mandela - just earlier this week, in case you missed it.
I know you would have some views and thoughts on the great man - and who knows you may even be quizzing him directly now.
Fascinating information about him everywhere and peoples own personal stories about where they were when he was released from prison, became president and so on.
Lots of quotes flying around - all inspirational - but I find this one pertinent just for now and would be very useful to remember going forward.
Life is a course with endless obstacles to hurdle.
"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb."
In the physical sense I climbed another huge hill today - Pen Y Fan in the Brecons (happy memories of the day U Bob dragged you, me and Sophie up there - when you were really quite little), but of course the quote is not really about the literal aspect of climbing - more the challenges and hurdles that life throws up.
Just when you think you are getting near the top - you see another hill in the distance which has to be climbed.
Hill walking and life are just like that!
lots of love
Mum
xx
It seems only right to note the passing of the extraordinary man Nelson Mandela - just earlier this week, in case you missed it.
I know you would have some views and thoughts on the great man - and who knows you may even be quizzing him directly now.
Fascinating information about him everywhere and peoples own personal stories about where they were when he was released from prison, became president and so on.
Lots of quotes flying around - all inspirational - but I find this one pertinent just for now and would be very useful to remember going forward.
Life is a course with endless obstacles to hurdle.
"After climbing a great hill, one only finds that there are many more hills to climb."
In the physical sense I climbed another huge hill today - Pen Y Fan in the Brecons (happy memories of the day U Bob dragged you, me and Sophie up there - when you were really quite little), but of course the quote is not really about the literal aspect of climbing - more the challenges and hurdles that life throws up.
Just when you think you are getting near the top - you see another hill in the distance which has to be climbed.
Hill walking and life are just like that!
lots of love
Mum
xx
 |
| Sugar Loaf climb (near Pan Y Fan) |
 |
| Sugar Loaf Climb |
 |
| Crooks Peak Climb |
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Life
Dear Ella,
Life continues - in a mundane, ordinary kind of way - but with shots of sadness, worry and nice bits to. Of course this is much the way we all live - with those types of feelings and occurrences in varying degrees. They shift quickly and with no warning they are on the move.
For me - last week was worry and anxiety - this week more about hope, determination and resilience.
Why the difference from one week to the next - who knows? Maybe it helps sleeping under your duvet - (don't ask why I am not under mine - long story and it involves your cat!!), you know the lovely one you treated yourself too - on the grounds you had to spend so much time in bed. Loved the day we went shopping for that - was hoping there would be many more ordinary kind of shopping days like that one.
An evening with girlfriends makes a huge difference, sharing experiences, wisdom and above all else laughter. Then home to appease "the cats" - who feel positively abandoned and are craving your undivided attention.
Life continues...
Lots of love
Mum
xxxx
Life continues - in a mundane, ordinary kind of way - but with shots of sadness, worry and nice bits to. Of course this is much the way we all live - with those types of feelings and occurrences in varying degrees. They shift quickly and with no warning they are on the move.
For me - last week was worry and anxiety - this week more about hope, determination and resilience.
Why the difference from one week to the next - who knows? Maybe it helps sleeping under your duvet - (don't ask why I am not under mine - long story and it involves your cat!!), you know the lovely one you treated yourself too - on the grounds you had to spend so much time in bed. Loved the day we went shopping for that - was hoping there would be many more ordinary kind of shopping days like that one.
An evening with girlfriends makes a huge difference, sharing experiences, wisdom and above all else laughter. Then home to appease "the cats" - who feel positively abandoned and are craving your undivided attention.
Life continues...
Lots of love
Mum
xxxx
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