Vitamin B and Tinsel

Dear Ella,

Plenty of the first (vitamin B) to be on the safe side - nobody likes to see a mood swing over Christmas - and just maybe taking vitamin B helps!  Lacking a little in the tinsel department.  Bit half hearted on the Christmas decorations this year - we got a tree up, but not much more.  Still it looks lovely and it's only been attacked by Brian once or twice.

Just back from the last big supermarket shop - usual sling it all in trolley and hope that it  comes together when the time comes.  Put in the usual essential extras - paracetamol, Pringles and pomegranates - paracetamol for me, Pringles for you and pomegranates for Sophie.

Unpacked and stashed everything away - enjoying a coffee and just being at home.  #loveallington - my new hashtag,  (not that I have ever had one before).  All is calm and peaceful and can feel the comfort of home wrapping its self around me.  Counting my blessings to have such a lovely place to live in and that the doors will be open to friends and family over the next few days.

All the lovely girls coming round tonight - Annie, Amy, Maisy, and Maya (George away climbing in Spain - of all places) - "mothers allowed if well behaved". Sophie and the cutting crew will be loitering for a short period prior to taking the Thekla by storm - you would have been torn - stay in with the girls or head down to your favourite boat…..

Took Granddad out for lunch yesterday - Park Garden Centre at Almondsbury - we had a lovely potter and loved seeing the fish - just like keeping you and Sophie busy in the run up to Christmas when you were little girls.

Out third Christmas without you is less than 48 hours away - as ever on we go, one foot in front of the other doing the best we can (well most of the time).  Wish you were here - or at least on your way home….

Lots of love

Mum
XXX

Hugs and stuff

Dear Ella,

Your sister is home for Christmas - delivered safe and sound yesterday - exhausted and discombobulated - a little like you used to be when you arrived home from hospital.

I contained my "excitement" to three hugs and three questions in the first half hour!  24 hours later - its like she's never been away.

A day of just being at home, knocking around each other in a relatively comfortable, familiar and peaceful way.  A way that would be strange to others - in the same way that "their way" would be strange and unfamiliar to us.  It's our rhythm and routine - ands just for now its good enough, not special, yet very special.

As I hand washed (yep you read that right) her favourite jumper - I thought of my Mum - and all the times I went home.  Being a good Mum she just let me fit back in and found ways to seamlessly and unconditionally be my Mum - that I never even noticed or recognised.  Being a Mum - a thankless yet wonderful role and position to hold.   Am trying to learn to be better at it every day.

Lots of love

Mum
XX

Listening to...

Dear Ella,

Listening to my "Ella sound track", "if you like sandy dunes and salty air" amongst other lyrics - and feeling you right here, right now.  Thank you lovely girl for staying in my spirit,

Am buttoning down and adopting brace position for season of goodwill - and can hear you very clearly saying "come on Mum….", am "coming on" I promise.

Lots of love

Mum
XXX