Sweet card

Dear Ella,

Well thats Mothering Sunday over - far too commercialised when all is said and done.  (Or in Grandad's words - "You can hardly get into Tescos for bunches of flowers, cards and gifts!)

I did allow myself a few minutes first thing to read your cards from last year and the year before - both lovely, but sadly talked about "thanks" for looking after you - with reference to your illness.  Would just like to say for the record "my pleasure".

Lovely card and words from Sophie - with apparently present to follow when the post gets it act together.  Best of all a hug before bedtime.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

I hope you had the time of your life

Dear Ella

The wonderful thing is, that I know you had the time of your life  - especially at school - here is the photographic evidence..

Time of your life

Wonderful to indulge in on a quiet Saturday afternoon - Laurie King what a montage and the music of course just wonderful, one of Ella's all time favourite tracks.

Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist, directs you where to go
So make the best of this test, and don't ask why
It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs, and still frames in your mind
Hang it on a shelf in good health and good time
Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial
For what it's worth it was worth all the while

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right,
I hope you had the time of your life. 
Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Bursting

Dear Ella,

Just bursting with pride today - Sophie got her January A level results - awesome, what a girl to achieve so much, and best of all she is so happy about it :)

So I am "bursting" just I like I used to "burst" when you came home with your achievements and great news.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Small treats

Dear Ella

One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.”
-Iris Murdoch

What do you think of this idea?   I like it.

Small is good, continuous = positive and treats - well we all need those!

Small treats so far this week -

• Brief but very therapeutic catch ups with lovely girlfriends - Kate last night, Shelagh tonight
• Going to bed early last night to read my book
• A toasted cheese and ham panini and proper coffee at lunchtime today - and not at my desk
• A letter from George to read this evening
• Looking forward to a trip to the seaside next week
• Taking five minutes to look out the window and appreciate the light mornings and longer days

Lots of love

Mum

x

Now its socks..

Dear Ella,

I am just trying to imagine the conversation in a house near to ours.

"Anybody know where all the frogs have gone that used to be in our pond"?  "No, but on the note of missing things I have lost my favourite pair of wellington boot socks - have you seen them"?

I know where they all are!

Lots of love

Mum

xxxx

Snow drops and daffodills

Dear Ella,

So that feels better.  Hope you like the snowdrops and baby daffodils that I bought out and planted for you, I will bring lots more bulbs over the months.  It was great to be there early with no one else around - and it started to really feel like we had chosen the right place for you.

Less mud, not quite as cold and bleak, lots of spring flowers, birds chirping everywhere - could even hear a woodpecker busy at work, and best of all lots of country smells "cow dong" as you called it when  you were a little girl.  I think your tree will be planted later this month.

The words on your stone feel right for me (and your Dad), so I really hope they are OK with you - better explain how I chose them.   You'll be pleased to hear I remembered them from "Sex And The City" - one of our many shared pleasures (Series 1 - 6 and the two films got us through many a bleak hospital hour, I can still see Dr D rolling his eyes at us when he saw what we were watching).

So the words "Ever thine, Ever mine, Ever yours"  are read out to "Big" by Carrie from a book on great love letters she has borrowed from New York Central Library.  Turns out they were written by Ludwig Beethoven to his girlfriend.

I think you are the only person with a SITC quote on their stone at woodlands!!!

Simple, poignant and just right for you my lovely.

Lots of Love
Mum
XXX

Today was not quiet..

Dear Ella

So today was noisy - troubled dreams re coffins being dug up, not such great news on arrival at work -one of my top people resigning and moving on - for all the right reasons, new system training - hard do for me to grasp and run with, anxiety re Sophie, as ever missing you...... and then 7pm and the wonderful Marion arrives and we pick it all to pieces - no answers - but some how its quieter.

Am at my kitchen counter position - listening to music with laptop on - am loving all the lyrics on my "Ella Playlist"....

Lots of love

Mum

xxx


PS  this very funny video clip from Maya kind of sums up my day earlier on