Dear Ella,
Another working week comes to a close - home - weary and in our kitchen.
It's a peaceful sanctuary, and I always feel truly grateful to have such a lovely roof over my head and a place that I can really, genuinely call home and just love being in it - even without you and Sophie here.
It's still your home, you led me here all those years ago and helped me see what it could be. I still get a very strong sense of you here - may be it's that mad cat of yours Brian roaming around, chasing her tail, strutting her stuff, lording it over every shadow, dancing around on your bed.
I think a Buddhist believer may say - there is a bit of your soul in Brian?
Lots of love
Mum
XX
Friday, 31 January 2014
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Cancer Research
Dear Ella,
My "cancer" radar immediately picked up the words "new ways to treat cancer" on the radio this morning. (Sometimes, I think the word cancer hunts me out, tracks me down and then stops me dead in my tracks).
Anyway, not sure I really understood the full interview - but in the most basic terms it was explaining that cancer continues to challenge the medical and research world and there is no such thing as a specific cancer. Even when a biopsy is done and a cancer is diagnosed, it can change again during treatment and and may even be different if the biopsy is taken from a sightly different angle.
There were words and terms like "daughter cells ," "no single entity", "genetic architecture", "mutation", "naturally selected" "multiple, diverse cancers -not one cancer", "founding cells".
It made me realise just how crude your treatment was - blasting away as best as they could, but very unsophisticated and of course no alternative but to go down that route. At least it gave you another 18 months and kept you relatively pain free - despite all the time in hospital and the scares, tears and trauma that bought.
The phrase "mountain to climb" was used - does that sound familiar?
1:3 people in the western world will be diagnosed with cancer and 1:5 will die from cancer. Why were you one of the ones?
With love
Mum
xx
My "cancer" radar immediately picked up the words "new ways to treat cancer" on the radio this morning. (Sometimes, I think the word cancer hunts me out, tracks me down and then stops me dead in my tracks).
Anyway, not sure I really understood the full interview - but in the most basic terms it was explaining that cancer continues to challenge the medical and research world and there is no such thing as a specific cancer. Even when a biopsy is done and a cancer is diagnosed, it can change again during treatment and and may even be different if the biopsy is taken from a sightly different angle.
There were words and terms like "daughter cells ," "no single entity", "genetic architecture", "mutation", "naturally selected" "multiple, diverse cancers -not one cancer", "founding cells".
It made me realise just how crude your treatment was - blasting away as best as they could, but very unsophisticated and of course no alternative but to go down that route. At least it gave you another 18 months and kept you relatively pain free - despite all the time in hospital and the scares, tears and trauma that bought.
The phrase "mountain to climb" was used - does that sound familiar?
1:3 people in the western world will be diagnosed with cancer and 1:5 will die from cancer. Why were you one of the ones?
With love
Mum
xx
Saturday, 25 January 2014
A moment
Dear Ella,
Yesterday was just another day - but a day to pause and reflect just a little bit more.
Time to think and remember my Mum, your Granny. As ever the wheels of the world turned round and life carried on, but it was good to sit with Dad/Grandad last night and raise a glass and smile.
Vivid memories of the night she left us two years ago - me rushing from Frenchay hospital where she was - to the Oncology hospital where you were - bravely getting on with your next cycle of Chemo, then home to Sophie.
You gave me the biggest hug and we cried a bit together, as I left the hospital church bells were ringing out loud and clear - and sounded just like my Mum.
Missing you both so much
Lots of love
Mum
XX
Yesterday was just another day - but a day to pause and reflect just a little bit more.
Time to think and remember my Mum, your Granny. As ever the wheels of the world turned round and life carried on, but it was good to sit with Dad/Grandad last night and raise a glass and smile.
Vivid memories of the night she left us two years ago - me rushing from Frenchay hospital where she was - to the Oncology hospital where you were - bravely getting on with your next cycle of Chemo, then home to Sophie.
You gave me the biggest hug and we cried a bit together, as I left the hospital church bells were ringing out loud and clear - and sounded just like my Mum.
Missing you both so much
Lots of love
Mum
XX
Thursday, 23 January 2014
Busy - bang!
Dear Ella,
Busy, being busy - lots of work, lots of other things as well - getting used to solo living now my little friend has gone back to Cardiff. It's quite nice being able to come and go - with no one to answer to - except you!
Still find myself checking in with you all the time, listening to hear what you would be saying. Sometimes, I turn round quickly - I think I might catch a glimpse of you watching me - but your gone. Were you there, quietly looking on, checking upon me? I can feel and sense you so strongly. It's nice, but I always get the "bang" - oh your not there.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Busy, being busy - lots of work, lots of other things as well - getting used to solo living now my little friend has gone back to Cardiff. It's quite nice being able to come and go - with no one to answer to - except you!
Still find myself checking in with you all the time, listening to hear what you would be saying. Sometimes, I turn round quickly - I think I might catch a glimpse of you watching me - but your gone. Were you there, quietly looking on, checking upon me? I can feel and sense you so strongly. It's nice, but I always get the "bang" - oh your not there.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Sunday, 19 January 2014
Fat Boy Slim
Dear Ella,
Just back from Fat Boy Slim's neck of the woods - Brighton, though of course I really think of it as your neck of the woods.
Vivid memories of spending 24 hours there with you - whilst you were interviewed for a place to study Interior Architecture at Brighton University.
You fell in love with the place - the beach, the buzz, the whole feel - it was so your kind of place.
There were lots of "Ella's" hanging out in bars, drifting round the lanes and generally owning the town - was so welled up that you never got to be there, though goodness knows it was not for lack of trying, I think your place was deferred twice and I had many conversations with a very kind and supportive gentleman called Terry Meade - who interviewed and offered you your place.
I took these for you - all "architectural" buildings you would have loved
Lots of Brighton love
Mum
XX
Just back from Fat Boy Slim's neck of the woods - Brighton, though of course I really think of it as your neck of the woods.
Vivid memories of spending 24 hours there with you - whilst you were interviewed for a place to study Interior Architecture at Brighton University.
You fell in love with the place - the beach, the buzz, the whole feel - it was so your kind of place.
There were lots of "Ella's" hanging out in bars, drifting round the lanes and generally owning the town - was so welled up that you never got to be there, though goodness knows it was not for lack of trying, I think your place was deferred twice and I had many conversations with a very kind and supportive gentleman called Terry Meade - who interviewed and offered you your place.
I took these for you - all "architectural" buildings you would have loved
Lots of Brighton love
Mum
XX
 |
| Fat Boys pad |
Thursday, 16 January 2014
3 BT's
Dear Ella,
Still working at being grateful for small things and observant and vigilant of the detail around.
Todays:
1. As I walked down the road to work, a lady came out her house and was sent off with the words "I love you Mummy" from her little girl. "Close the door, behind me Millie, I love you too - see you later".
2. Round the corner and I heard "morning" - and there was Sonia leaning out of her car window - smiling as only Sonia can. We waved and swapped "have a good day" and carried on with our journeys.
3. Coming home - and there was Sophie curled up on the sofa, under my orange throw, watching "Dirty Dancing" (again). Two exams done - back for more revision time. "You all right?", "yeah - you?" - and I guess we sort of are.
Hope you had some 3BT's today.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Still working at being grateful for small things and observant and vigilant of the detail around.
Todays:
1. As I walked down the road to work, a lady came out her house and was sent off with the words "I love you Mummy" from her little girl. "Close the door, behind me Millie, I love you too - see you later".
2. Round the corner and I heard "morning" - and there was Sonia leaning out of her car window - smiling as only Sonia can. We waved and swapped "have a good day" and carried on with our journeys.
3. Coming home - and there was Sophie curled up on the sofa, under my orange throw, watching "Dirty Dancing" (again). Two exams done - back for more revision time. "You all right?", "yeah - you?" - and I guess we sort of are.
Hope you had some 3BT's today.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Monday, 13 January 2014
A Letter for all of us
Dear Ella,
A letter arrived at Allington on Saturday for all of us - all being everyone who has so far helped to raise £105,000 for the Teenage Cancer Trust South West appeal - and that includes you as you launched the appeal.
You can read it below(no you can't - wont work!) - nice words from a lady called Kate Collins, Director of Fundraising at the TCT.
We gathered at the weekend to decide what to do this year. Something, not nothing that's for sure, but not on the scale of last year - so we are going to start with the Bristol 10K "Run For Ella 50/50" - see if we can get a team of at least 50 people to raise at least £50 each - what do you think?
Watch this space and FB for more news and watch us run (walk!) on Sunday 11 May.
On we go Ella Redman
Lots of love
Mum
Xx
A letter arrived at Allington on Saturday for all of us - all being everyone who has so far helped to raise £105,000 for the Teenage Cancer Trust South West appeal - and that includes you as you launched the appeal.
You can read it below(no you can't - wont work!) - nice words from a lady called Kate Collins, Director of Fundraising at the TCT.
We gathered at the weekend to decide what to do this year. Something, not nothing that's for sure, but not on the scale of last year - so we are going to start with the Bristol 10K "Run For Ella 50/50" - see if we can get a team of at least 50 people to raise at least £50 each - what do you think?
Watch this space and FB for more news and watch us run (walk!) on Sunday 11 May.
On we go Ella Redman
Lots of love
Mum
Xx
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