Dear Ella
Read this tonight from the teachings of a Buddhist monk called Thich Nhat Hanah. He recommends we greet our emotions and 'habit energies' -- patterns we otherwise might not recognize as passing phenomena, and mistake them for our essential selves. "Hello, my habit energy" "Hello, my anger . . worry . . sadness" When you have greeted this well known visitor, it seems easier to regard its presence as a passing thing, and let it pass!
Worth a go...
"Hello my habit anxiety"
"Hello my habit sadness"
"Hello my habit I can't"
Will let you know how it goes.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Tuesday, 19 March 2013
Monday, 18 March 2013
Keep a green tree in your heart...
and perhaps a singing bird will come.
Dear Ella,
Just back from three days away with wonderful girlfriends - Lorraine, Marion and Shelagh. We stayed in a lovely house by the sea and the first thing I saw as I walked through the front door were the words "Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come"
So a small singing bird did come this weekend - guided and aided by love and care from wonderful friends.
Gentle, lovely times in the rain and the sun - with time to relax, laugh and think about Ella.
As I walked on the beach and watched the sea - I could clearly see two small girls, Ella in her red Gap fleece, Sophie in her pink one, busy on the sand, jumping over waves, climbing over rocks. Damp, sandy and happy.
It was good to remember and have time and space to let the memories come - you loved the beach and the seaside so much and so do I - still.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Dear Ella,
Just back from three days away with wonderful girlfriends - Lorraine, Marion and Shelagh. We stayed in a lovely house by the sea and the first thing I saw as I walked through the front door were the words "Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come"
Gentle, lovely times in the rain and the sun - with time to relax, laugh and think about Ella.
As I walked on the beach and watched the sea - I could clearly see two small girls, Ella in her red Gap fleece, Sophie in her pink one, busy on the sand, jumping over waves, climbing over rocks. Damp, sandy and happy.
It was good to remember and have time and space to let the memories come - you loved the beach and the seaside so much and so do I - still.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Friday, 15 March 2013
See the sea
Dear Ella
Just off to see the sea - its been a while....
Will you be there?
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Just off to see the sea - its been a while....
Will you be there?
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Thursday, 14 March 2013
Anxious
Dear Ella
So when do you think my underlying anxiety and fear will go?
I realised today that I am always just waiting for the next piece of bad news or something rubbish to happen. Every time my phone goes I think "oh no what now"? When Sophie goes out - will she get home OK, (will I get home OK when I go out!)? Down to really dull and mundane things like - what if the heating packs in? what if Brain brings another frog in? What if, what if , what if, what if........
I guess there have just been too many horrible things happen in recent years - and my thinking needs to shift gear - it's stuck in reverse just now - even neutral would be an achievement. Really in comparison to so many - I have so little to be anxious or fearful about.
Bring on neutral and then at least first gear - forwards and positive - but Jo remember - BE PATIENT.
Lots of love
Your anxious Mum
xxx
So when do you think my underlying anxiety and fear will go?
I realised today that I am always just waiting for the next piece of bad news or something rubbish to happen. Every time my phone goes I think "oh no what now"? When Sophie goes out - will she get home OK, (will I get home OK when I go out!)? Down to really dull and mundane things like - what if the heating packs in? what if Brain brings another frog in? What if, what if , what if, what if........
I guess there have just been too many horrible things happen in recent years - and my thinking needs to shift gear - it's stuck in reverse just now - even neutral would be an achievement. Really in comparison to so many - I have so little to be anxious or fearful about.
Bring on neutral and then at least first gear - forwards and positive - but Jo remember - BE PATIENT.
Lots of love
Your anxious Mum
xxx
Wednesday, 13 March 2013
Harry Potter
Dear Ella,
Yet again (yes again) Sophie is watching a HP film on the TV (at least she has progressed from Hectors House - favourite video when she was about three).
Harry still does not do it for me - so really Sophie needs you here to get wrapped up in wizards, potions, death eaters, Ron Weasely appreciation and everything else that Hogwarts offers.
Sometime I try to imagine how I would have felt if I had lost one of my brothers when I was seventeen - not lost like at the park or behind the sofa, but really lost, lost like she has lost you. But, I can't - so I just watch and wait.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Yet again (yes again) Sophie is watching a HP film on the TV (at least she has progressed from Hectors House - favourite video when she was about three).
Harry still does not do it for me - so really Sophie needs you here to get wrapped up in wizards, potions, death eaters, Ron Weasely appreciation and everything else that Hogwarts offers.
Sometime I try to imagine how I would have felt if I had lost one of my brothers when I was seventeen - not lost like at the park or behind the sofa, but really lost, lost like she has lost you. But, I can't - so I just watch and wait.
Lots of love
Mum
xx
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Be patient
Dear Ella,
Tonight somebody said the words "be patient" to me.
They were said in the context of being a parent to a teenager - and are so right, but at the same time they resonated with me in other ways.
Jo - be patient with yourself, with your grief and with just now.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Tonight somebody said the words "be patient" to me.
They were said in the context of being a parent to a teenager - and are so right, but at the same time they resonated with me in other ways.
Jo - be patient with yourself, with your grief and with just now.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
Monday, 11 March 2013
Just settling down to my other job
Dear Ella,
A Monday working day over at SACO - promised I looked forward to it - forever your "I don't like Mondays" resonates with us all. Now settling down to an evening of admin on fundraising activity -
crikey mate you have kicked up a storm!
Around 100 people running the Bristol 10k on 5 May. We have arranged a pre and post venue meet up point with "Lorraine" catering, Run for Ella T shirts designed by Sophie and Jim, press photo shoots and on it goes
A cricket match on 23 June - at Ashton Park School with teachers and all sorts involved - U Jim and Mark sorting
A bike ride to Glastonbury and back on 20 and 21 July. You never made it so we are going for you! U Bob in charge
Nail varnish production - "Redmania" - Clare and Maisy
Art exhibition - Jude
...and lots more (someone is cycling from Bristol to Amsterdam, never mind Glasonbury!) So far the Just Giving pages are approaching £4,000 - and we have barely started - we will get that unit up and running, I promise.
It all takes lots of work - but I am not alone - a great team with me and of course you at the front as the inspiration - I can feel you pushing us on.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
A Monday working day over at SACO - promised I looked forward to it - forever your "I don't like Mondays" resonates with us all. Now settling down to an evening of admin on fundraising activity -
crikey mate you have kicked up a storm!
Around 100 people running the Bristol 10k on 5 May. We have arranged a pre and post venue meet up point with "Lorraine" catering, Run for Ella T shirts designed by Sophie and Jim, press photo shoots and on it goes
A cricket match on 23 June - at Ashton Park School with teachers and all sorts involved - U Jim and Mark sorting
A bike ride to Glastonbury and back on 20 and 21 July. You never made it so we are going for you! U Bob in charge
Nail varnish production - "Redmania" - Clare and Maisy
Art exhibition - Jude
...and lots more (someone is cycling from Bristol to Amsterdam, never mind Glasonbury!) So far the Just Giving pages are approaching £4,000 - and we have barely started - we will get that unit up and running, I promise.
It all takes lots of work - but I am not alone - a great team with me and of course you at the front as the inspiration - I can feel you pushing us on.
Lots of love
Mum
xxx
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