What did you do today?

Dear Ella,

I wonder what you were up to and thinking about today...we were all busy getting on with life and thinking about Granny - as it was a year ago today she had to go and leave us all.

Do you remember that Tuesday evening - you were so brave and determined going back into hospital to start chemo after your big operation.  I left Bob R and Kate "in charge" whilst I spent the day and evening with Granny, the Uncles and Grandad.   I got to you about 8ish - you were tucked away in that  long thin four bed ward -  by the window.  A bit disgruntled, fed up, apprehensive and of course very sad.   We chatted, hugged and shed a few tears and then I left you to go home and see Sophie.   As I left your hospital I heard church bells ringing out loud and clear, and as I said at Granny's funeral - to this day when ever I hear church bells they make me think of her - loud, clear, familiar, in tune, reassuring, traditional and celebratory.

I heard church bells this evening as I dropped Grandad home from dinner out with me, Jim and Sophie - they sounded lovely and I thought - "there she goes, ringing out" - her presence still felt by us all.

I think about you both so much in every way - and try to feel and sense you at every turn.

Mostly, I just can't believe that you are not here.

Lots of love

Mum

xx