Sunday, 9 June 2013


Dear Ella,

A physically painful weekend - with a bout of sciatica for me - very painful "bottom" and all of left leg - impossible to sit down, lying near impossible - so lack of sleep.  Lots of pacing around - all day and throughout the night - the only motion that does not hurt.

Pain - it took me back to August 2011 when you were in so much pain with your arm and shoulder as the cancer took hold.  Those long nights of supporting you through intense pain, counting down the minutes and hours to when you could have your next dose of morphine.  Endless cups of tea, rubbish TV in the small hours of the morning and endless, mindless ramblings to try and distract you.

As I paced through the last two nights and rummaged in your pain relief drawer (still got lots of your meds for emergencies - but did not reach morphine stage!)   - I remembered how brave and stoic you were and was grateful that I had been there to support you - as ever a privilege and would do it all again - tomorrow if I could.

Lots of love


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