Tuesday 30 April 2013

Bitter Sweet my lovely

Dear Ella

So five days to the 10k, and we will have raised well over £20,000 before we have even put a foot over the starting line.  As I have said before you have whipped up a storm.

Fame again today in Bristol Evening Post - another article and editors comment about your drive to raise money to get a Teenage unit up and running in Bristol.

I remember late last summer we sat around the kitchen table one night and talked about aiming for £10,000, that seemed ambitious, but we were all determined, none more so than you.

So we are simply trying to do what you wanted to do - the support is overwhelming with people coming from all over the UK to run, walk, support and cheer and think about you - a truly bitter, sweet day.

Lots of love

Mum

PS - photo of the SACO team in their Sophie designed T Shirts, and a link to your Just Giving page






Sunday 28 April 2013

Was that you?

Dear Ella,

Was that you - way up high as we walked across Dartmoor on Saturday morning?
Fanciful on my part possibly - but just may be.
Lots of love
Mum
XX





Friday 26 April 2013

Mr Floatable

Dear Ella,

Do you remember that book you loved when you were little - it used to make us both laugh out loud?  I can't remember what it was called, but one of the characters was Mr Floatable - who was a rather butch swimming teacher.  

Anyway the description of him in the book was along the lines of "Mr Floatable was our swimming teacher, he had swimming trunks the size of a postage stamp and a chest that rippled like a duvet, he was very tall and looked happier in the water than out of it".

So - see photos below of our very own Mr Floatable... U Andy did his swimathon at 6.30 this morning at Easton Swimming Pool. 200 lengths in under two hours.  I was there to cheer him home and give him a hug, He has raised a shed load of money...go Mr Floatable :)

We love you

Lots of love
Mum
xx








Thursday 25 April 2013

Getting older

Dear Ella,

For sure, I am getting older , there is no denying it - two things happened today to confirm it.

1.  I bought a pair of practical, outdoorsy type walking trousers (the sort that rustle, have multiple pockets and look frightfully grown up) - to go walking with U Bob and friends.  Not very "on trend", but practical, shower proof etc.  Never, ever thought I would do that.

2.  As I was heading home around 9.30ish this evening - drinks and dinner with work mates, I bumped into Sophie and friends just going out!  "Hi Mum", "Hi Sophie" and that was it - we passed like ships in the night, me to my PJ's, cup of tea, t shirt sales and East Enders, Sophie to a - well you know night out on the Thekla and all that brings.

Its official!

Lots of love

Mum
xx


Tuesday 23 April 2013

Riding out the storm

Dear Ella,

So you know its about five months on and the days and weeks are passing in one shape, format or another.  I am learning a lot about grieving.  Learning doesn't make it much easier - but it does make it familiar - which can sometimes help.

For instance, I know that sometimes (often when I least expect it) a massive wave of overwhelming sadness comes, and like being on a boat in a storm I just have to hang on tight and ride it out till I reach a calmer place.

I know the calm will come, tentatively at first and will gradually settle back to something manageable and recognisable - and then on I go.

Lots of love

Mum
xx



Monday 22 April 2013

and then Philadelphia went second

Dear Ella

So Montreal on the Saturday and then Gaynor ran for you in Philadelphia on Sunday - the Valley Forge 5 mile Revolutionary Run.  The girl did great - 47 minutes and 43 seconds. As the hills got steeper her mantra was "Ella Bella, Ella Bella" - top tip for all of us running Sunday week.

Ian will be running the same day as the Bristol 10k - the 10 mile Philadelphia Broad Street run

Your T shirt had its first "official run out" and is looking good

Cant stop - got to get on with more T Shirt sales

Lots of love
Mum
xx


Sunday 21 April 2013

Montreal leads the way

Dear Ella,

So the first "Run for Ella" has taken place - in Montreal, organised and led by the very wonderful Maya.  Part of her blog post is below and some photos.

The Bristol 10k will I hope be in slightly less challenging weather conditions - i.e. no snow!

Lots of love
Mum
xx


I am a member of the outdoors club at McGill, and they have a house about an hour away from Montreal. There's a bus that goes to within 15km of the house, so the plan was to take the bus. We met at the bus station at 9 and there were maybe 12 of us. As the bus was pulling away more people came running up and just made it! Then whilst on the bus, I got a call from a few others who had missed it. Basically, as is the nature of these things, we ended up waiting for two buses (they go every half hour), and a few people had driven up. I'm actually not sure exactly how many of us there were, probably around 30? (I've been kicking myself the whole time for not counting everyone!) So we took a few photos. My friend Yolanda had made the sign, and she wanted us to have a flag (not sure why!) but the only one she could find was a Quebec flag, and with the politics in Quebec and the separatist movement, it made everyone laugh!

It was sunny and cold, although we warmed up pretty fast once we started running. We were going along a bike/ski path, really beautiful, that goes all the way to the village where the house is. However, after about maybe 4 or 5km it turned out the path was still snowy, but the snow was half melting, so it was slushy and really hard going. We'd separated out by this point, some of the guys had shot off ahead, and I was closer to the back, taking it steady. Then, just to add insult to injury, it started to snow and hail - only in Canada! We ran alongside a river, and we stopped for a break at one point by some rapids because the river was so swollen and just impressive. After a while we managed to find a way onto the highway, so we ran the last stretch on the road - not as pretty, but easier on the ankles than the snow and slush!

Amandine, as friend of mine, was waiting at the end with balloons, water, snacks, and a HUGE grin! She'd planned to bike up and down the train giving us water and words of encouragement, but the snow meant she hadn't been able to. As we were standing there, a bunch of cyclists who had also planned to join us on the trail, but who'd had to take the highway arrived, so together we walked to the house where Jane, another friend, had cooked for us all. The faster runners had made themselves at home already, and it was so lovely to walk in and see everyone having a good time. Amandine and I had gone shopping for food the night before, and somewhat amazingly we'd bought exactly the right amount. Jane had made a chilli and rice, and we'd bought oranges, granola bars, tortilla chips, cheese and salsa for snacks; and then big tubs of icecream. No one went hungry, but there wasn't any food left. It was perfect! I'm guessing that there were probably close to 40 of us at this point, what with the bikers, and a few others who'd turned up from somewhere! 

People started to head home from the house, there were two drivers who shuttled people back and forth to get the bus. I talked to people about Ella a bit, which was lovely. And then my friend Sofia made me cry by getting everyone to be quiet and saying how wonderful she thought it was that I'd organised it. I started to say how much I appreciated all of them, everyone has been so encouraging and enthusiastic. I didn't even know probably a third of the people who ran, and I was just amazed at how they all wanted to take part. And because I'm a bit of a crier anyway I burst into tears in front of them all! Which they all thought was adorable, but I just wanted them to stop looking at me! 

Then, the last drama of the day. Amandine's car had gotten stuck in the mud, well and truly stuck, the front wheels were in ruts, and the tires were completely covered in mud. We'd tried pushing, digging out around the tires, rocking, jacking it up. Hopeless. So then, someone suggesting picking it up to which everyone was like "Brilliant idea!" So a load of us stood around the bonnet and lifted, and a bunch of others pushed, and it worked! We couldn't quite believe it! And then of course we all felt really impressed with ourselves for not only having ran 15km, but also lifting a car out of the mud! 

I'm not sure exactly how much we raised, it's still trickling in on the just giving page, and people gave me cash yesterday that I need to put into the bank so I can put it online, but I'm pretty sure just yesterday it was over £100 - I'll keep you posted.

Lots of love!

Maya





Thursday 18 April 2013

So - Pip called

Dear Ella,

Lovely call out of the blue tonight - from Pip - who was our McMillan nurse in Oxford.

Such a relief to talk to her - straight out, not making it OK, no brave face - just raw facts.

It took me right back to all those endless days and nights in hospital and do you know what? - I would go back and do every one again if it meant we could have you back.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Tuesday 16 April 2013

One word (well several actually)

Dear Ella

"Tulips"

Your favourites  - are out in the garden!

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Monday 15 April 2013

Whipping up a storm

Dear Ella

Look what you have whipped up.

Just Remembering Ella

Never mind all the manual sponsor forms and money just being sent into the TCT in your name.

Simply inspirational - we will get that dam unit open for you - WE PROMISE.


Lots of love

Mum
xxx






Saturday 13 April 2013

"Mum Music"

Dear Ella,

House to myself - so its turn up my "Ella Play list".  They are all tunes that remind me of you, some you would like, some you introduced me to and some you would roll your eyes and say "get this s**t off - it's "Mum Music"!

Anyway, as I said I am on my own so can play what I want..

There are several that I love for the lyrics - here are two - the first is "mum music" the second one we both love.

Turn up the music

Lots of love

Mum
xx


War Baby - Tom Robinson     "Wish I could see you once again just to remember it was true, I want to be still beside you - quiet and still beside you, llistening to your breathing and feeling your warmth again"

 Brown Eyed Girl - Van Morrison    "My brown eyed girl, You My brown eyed girl"


Thursday 11 April 2013

Speechless

Dear Ella,

I read this in a book.

When your parents die you become an orphan
When your spouse dies you become a widow
When your child dies you become speechless!

Thankfully this blog stops me being completely speechless.

Thanks for stopping by Jude's dream last night - the message was lovely

Lots of love

Mum
xx

Tuesday 9 April 2013

Grumpy day

Dear Ella,

Just one of those grumpy days - no reason, just grumpy:(

Have a word with me!

Lots of love

Mum
xx

Monday 8 April 2013

Mrs T and Twiglets

Dear Ella

By Mrs T - I don't mean Granny, but Mrs Thatcher - gone and on her way wherever (by foot - if you have read my last letter).

Anyway, you would have enjoyed the explosion of coverage in the media and joined in all the debate - as you can imagine, extreme views coming in from varying friends and family.

I missed having you hear to chat and ooh and ahh about it all - so I had some twiglets instead - actually we might have had them anyway.

Twiglets/marmite - a bit like Mrs T - you either love them/her or hate them/her

Lots of love

Mum
xx


Good advice!

Sunday 7 April 2013

Taking the celestial locomotive

Dear Ella,

Maya sent me a link to a great article by a guy called Roger Ebert  (USA film critic).  Its stuff he wrote about thoughts on dying...not a light read, but thought provoking stuff for people like me - who frequently (well constantly) wonder where you are and how the whole process of leaving us was for you.

Anyway - this was one of the bits I liked best - apparently said and written down by Vincent Van Gough many years ago.
Looking at the stars always makes me dream, as simply as I dream over the black dots representing towns and villages on a map.
Why, I ask myself, shouldn’t the shining dots of the sky be as accessible as the black dots on the map of France?
Just as we take a train to get to Tarascon or Rouen, we take death to reach a star. We cannot get to a star while we are alive any more than we can take the train when we are dead. So to me it seems possible that cholera, tuberculosis and cancer are the celestial means of locomotion. Just as steamboats, buses and railways are the terrestrial means.
To die quietly of old age would be to go there on foot.

So for me and Maya - its kind of comforting to know you are with the stars (that you love so much) and took the train and didn't walk there slowly....

Lots of love
Mum
xx





Saturday 6 April 2013

Lost Glory

Dear Ella

U Jim's lovely words - I too clearly remember Grand National Day two years ago - the wonderful Mark Kennedy helped us get through the weekend.  He  introduced  you and Sophie to "gambling" - made  us all bet on a horse and then watch the race, can't remember if we won or not!

Lots of love
Mum
xx


Hi Jo

Today is a special day in sport as its the Grand National, just in case this has passed you by! 
I love Grand National Day and it has very fond memories(Mum and Dad loved it and i half wish I was on Henleaze Rd this morning in Billy Hills) for me over the years with a few wins, culminating in a visit to Aintree 2 years ago

It's also a poignant day, as it was whilst at Aintree that we took a call from Mum to tell us Ella had been diagnosed with a tumour in her arm, which luckily for us was a call that came on the Saturday evening after we had been to the race course.

Anyway, today and for all Grand Nationals I will remember Ella more so than other days, and whilst I am around will always put £5 on Ella's Horse (am not sure if she ever put a bet on but hey ho!)

I will always pick a horse that in some way has some significance to Ella and this year my choice is Lost Glory(no need for an explanation). It's a bit of an outsider with a bit of form, but not fancied by the pundits(66-1), but you never no. I will be placing £2.50 E/W so the bet will return, if Lost Glory comes in the first 4 places. 

Naturally if Ella's Horse comes 1,2,3 or 4 the winnings will be donated to TCT

For those family members betting today I fancy Seabass, the Housewives Favorite with Katie Walsh on board and looking to be the first woman to win the National. I like the horse, it pushed Neptune Collonges very close last year(although I was backing Neptune who won by a nose!) and just have this inkling that its Seasbass's year!

Will probably fall at the first!

Anyway, if your watching the National then give a cheer for Lost Glory! 

Love Jim


Thursday 4 April 2013

Mind the Gap..

Dear Ella

Its so cold.....your hot water bottle is working overtime....nice to be using something that was so important to you.

Lots of letters and messages still arriving for me, for you, for all of us.

The latest from Eleanor, Hannah and some with no names - all from the heart and talk about the huge gap you have left.

"Mind the Gap" - useful advice from London Transport!

Lots of love

Mum
xxx

Wednesday 3 April 2013

Retail therapy

Dear Ella

My new evening occupation - retailer!

T Shirts selling like hot cakes (what ever they are).

Next stop my own e bay shop???

Lots of love
Mum
xx



Tuesday 2 April 2013

Sitting in the dark..

Dear Ella

I have discovered that I like sitting in the dark - watching something!

So going to the cinema or theatre =  a good place to be.

Did it again at the weekend - went to the Theatre in London to see "The Mousetrap" - good old fashioned theatre, but absorbing.

Call it therapy or what ever, but it works for me just now - it's sort of peaceful, undemanding, safe and a distraction.

Lots of love

Mum
xxx